Great Moments in Facebook History: April 14, 2014

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, April 14th, 2014:

They say you've got to spend money to make money. Feel like there's some middle step I've been missing?
What idiot decided it’s “my foot’s asleep” instead of “coma toes”?
I’m stuck between a rock and someone I want to hit with it
My girlfriend said I put sports before our relationship. That’s crap. It’s our sixth season together.
The statement “Hey Calm Down” has a zero to NO success rate of getting someone to calm down.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easily but can’t figure out how to escape with all the windows down?
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
I’m pretty sure that at McDonald’s drive thru school they teach you that if someone asks for ketchup they you give them either 2 or 58 packets. There’s no in between.
The higher pitched my “hey!” the greater the chance I don’t remember who you are

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