Great Moments in Facebook History: April 25, 2014

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, April 25, 2014:

• From8amuntil12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
• Not to brag, but I'm pretty good in bed. I don't snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
• Me: This chicken is undercooked. Wife: You don't appreciate my cooking. Me: I think the vet could save it if it we took it right now.
• It's not that I'm judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
• I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it'll just be my turn.
• Spilling your drink is the adult equivalent of letting your balloon go
• Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
• Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)