Great Moments in Facebook History: August 24, 2015

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I scour the interwebs to find the best (and worst) thoughts floating around social media. Without further ado…

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, August 24th, 2015:

Sorry I'm late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Commercials for PizzaRolls would be more realistic if they had the kids screaming in agony as they burned their mouths on the cheese filling...
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
The first person to say the word cool must have been really cool because everyone started saying it.
My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
Dam it I have to break up with her in person? Isn't there an easier way?" -Alexander Graham Bell, probably.
Letting your date use your phone charger, even though you're at 25%, is the 21st century equivalent of putting your coat over a puddle.