Great Moments in Facebook History: December 14, 2016

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I scour the interwebs to find the best (and worst) thoughts floating around social media. Without further ado…

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Wednesday, December 14th, 2016:

“I will wake up early tomorrow, get ready, and look presentable,” I said, sitting on my throne of lies.
This Christmas you can either join the Mile High club or the less prestigious Rock Bottom club, having sex on a Greyhound bus. If that's not rock bottom, I don't know what is.
I'd like to go to Holland someday wooden shoe?
(Anna Kendrick) Every time I talk to a fancy journalist and they ask what I do in my free time my scumbag brain goes “say masturbate, it’ll be hilarious.”
So standing in line at Kwik Trip this girl in front of me turns around so I casually said hello, she quickly says “not interested, im married” (trick ass)-anyway going to leave her car is dead and she says to me hey can you me a jump, so I said “not interested, call your husband”… winning?