Great Moments in Facebook History: December 3, 2014

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014:

• Eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
• Whenever I’m nervous on a business call, I just envision the person on the other end of the phone as a muppet
• Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty kids now that global warming is threatening his habitat
• Hey sorry I’m late I didn’t want to come
• What's my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I'm describing my bed again.
• The expiration date on this bottle of vodka is one hour from now.
• Give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can’t

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status)