Great Moments in Facebook History: February 1, 2016

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I scour the interwebs to find the best (and worst) thoughts floating around social media. Without further ado…

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, February 1st, 2016:

Why is it that when you get a woman pregnant, everyone rubs her belly saying "congratulations" but nobody ever rubs your junk and says "good job"?
Wife: how did you get all that dirt under your fingernails? Me: it's brownies.
It's not a real trip to the grocery store until I run into someone I know, say goodbye to them, and run into them in the very next aisle.
My family could never afford that fancy Burts Bees cleansing comfort lotion, no sir,,, we made do with Herberts Hornets lacerating pain venom
They should make an alarm clock that sounds like a dog getting ready to vomit. Nothing makes me jump out of bed faster than that.