Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History, for today, Friday, February 21st, 2014:

  • Do you have a friend show drunk dialed McDonald's to complain about a missing McNugget?  I do.
  • (Craigslist ad:  I am going through a difficult breakup and impulsively adopted 16 different types of reptiles over Craigslist.  I have made a huge mistake.  My roommates are furious.  I have 1 ball python, 7 various geckos, a bearded dragon, and 2 red slider turtles.  They are all named "Amanda."  No rehoming fee.) - Why did she break up with him?  He had a reptile dysfunction.
  • I honk at hot joggers because eventually one will memorize my license plate in order to track me down for no strings attached sex.
  • Having sex is like playing pinochle. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
  • Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
  • Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn't change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
  • Just so you all know, I learned today whatever you ask Siri to call you is apparently included in every email you send from your phone.  Currently cringing at how many people I've sent emails signed 'Horse Penis'.