Great Moments in Facebook History: February 3, 2017

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I scour the interwebs to find the best (and worst) thoughts floating around social media. Without further ado…

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, February 3rd, 2017:

(Ben Hooper) Every time I ever yelled "THIS IS WHY KALAMAZOO CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS," I always whispered "except the Alamo."
So, last night ______ and I were so annoyed at the “creepy old guy” who was hitting on us at a Chipotle in NYC claiming he “won an Oscar”…then we Googled him. He actually did, and wrote the movie Precious. We suck.
Remember when 'sex,drugs & rocknroll meant something other than 'sundays, anti-depressants & turn it down?'
Dr: So, how did you dislocate your shoulder? Me: I panicked when the blood pressure machine at the store got tigh- I mean football..
If General Mattis runs for president in the next election, will his campaign slogan be "Mad Dog 2020"?