Great Moments in Facebook History: February 3rd, 2014

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, February 3rd, 2014:

• Me: "By your age, Alexander the Great had conquered most of the world."  Student: "He had Aristotle as a teacher.  We just have you."
• "Why is it so hard to find wife material?" - "Because you're still in high school."
• Peyton Manning always looks like someone is explaining the internet to him.
• I'm enjoying this new Super Bowl format where one team plays one night and the other team, I assume, will play tomorrow night.
• How the heck are eggs full of cholesterol but chickens aren't?
• I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money.
• If I ever get a puppy I'm going to name it "Grandma" because I can't think of a better word to yell in the woods.
• This bottle of whiskey and I are gonna need a safe word tonight.

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)