Here are the BEST of Great Moments in Facebook History from today, Wednesday, January 22nd, 2014:

  • When someone says "Surprise me," I quickly drop my pants.
  • "Sir, you lied on your taxes when you said you made $80085 last year.  Wait.  Were you spelling boobs?  That's badass.  You're excused from the law."
  • The idea of sports is to get all the sports stuff into the hole so you can yell
  • "Careful, there's poop on the dance floor." - how ballet was invented.
  • Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
  • If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn't follow directions."
  • Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.  So is bowling.
  • My friend and I were talking about names of Harry Potter characters to name future pets.  If we ever get a pet rock we're naming it Bouldermort.
  • I need a wine stopper. Who'my kidding? No, I don't.
  • Wherever there's a girl with a hole in her heart there's a guy trying to stick his D in it








(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)