Here are the BEST Great Moments in History for today, Friday, July 11th, 2014:

  • The best password cracking software is called a pissed off ex.
  • I should win an Academy Award for every time I pretend to not see someone I know in public.
  • If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
  • Just went downstairs alone to get a drink and didn’t run like hell upstairs after I turned the light off so I guess I’m a grownup now.
  • My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting loaded.
  • I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
  • Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
  • Everyone should have a drag queen level of self-confidence.
  • I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)