Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Wednesday, June 11th, 2014:

  • I wasn't even going for broke. But I got it!
  • The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
  • I love how my calendar assumes when I add an 8:00 event, it's AM. Google thinks I've got my life together.
  • The cashier told me “Strip down, facing me.” How was I to know she meant my debit card?
  • I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
  • I think on my deathbed I'll tell everyone "pray for me". Then I'll give them an envelope to be opened after die with a note inside that says "Pray harder next time."
  • A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.
  • Nicknames are WAY more fun when people don’t know they have them
  • You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
  • Marriage tip: Don't
  • I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
  • It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)