Great Moments in Facebook History: June 6, 2014

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, June 6th, 2014:

• Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn't used yet.
• I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
• If it's true that God closes a door then opens a window, he probably just dropped a bomb in the bathroom.
• I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
• My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
• What do you get when you inject humanDNAinto a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)