Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, June 9th, 2014:

  • WTF, marathoners? I don't even like to drive 26 miles.
  • To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger
  • You only have one childhood, it may as well last your entire life
  • Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
  • I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I'm worried the spiders are coming after me with no pain and a renewed vigor
  • The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
  • This empty wallet looks like I'll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy's awful jokes in a bar tonight.
  • There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.