Great Moments in Facebook History: March 7, 2014

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, March 7th, 2014:

• When you tell a lie, think of it as peeing in the pool. Let it out slow. Don't let facial expressions give you away.
• I'm gonna strap a snowblower on the roof of my car and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that's where I'm gonna live.
• I think you know you've got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
• When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me. After a while, my mum said, "Just use a spoon, Mike. You're not a Jedi."
• The roof is not my child, but I will raise it...
• I just hit a pothole so hard Siri developed a stutter.
• It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)