Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, March 7th, 2014:

  • When you tell a lie, think of it as peeing in the pool. Let it out slow. Don't let facial expressions give you away.
  • I'm gonna strap a snowblower on the roof of my car and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that's where I'm gonna live.
  • I think you know you've got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
  • When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me. After a while, my mum said, "Just use a spoon, Mike. You're not a Jedi."
  • The roof is not my child, but I will raise it...
  • I just hit a pothole so hard Siri developed a stutter.
  • It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.