Great Moments in Facebook History: May 11, 2016

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I scour the interwebs to find the best (and worst) thoughts floating around social media. Without further ado…

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Wednesday, May 11th, 2016:

I love how television has redefined the word 'marathon' to the exact opposite of physical exercise
Me: I don't know how to dance to this kind of music Beer: yes you do
"Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I'M ASKING THEM"
My brother came over with his two young sons and I had to child-proof the entire house by closing the blinds and not answering the door.
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they're transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
(mellarkish) I hate when old people say tattoos are a waste of money, like, Debra, you have an entire cabinet dedicated to expensive plates nobody is allowed to use.