Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, May 12th, 2014:

  • Why do people care that it's May the 4th like what even is Star Wars.  Ok Bye
  • Every time I am at Walgreens lately and one of the associates says "be well" as I'm leaving, I feel like I'm in 'Demolition Man'. Damn it! Now I want Taco Bell.
  • I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
  • If rubbing my nipple across the deli counter window to indicate which cheeses I desire is wrong then I don't want to be right.
  • I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I'll at least get one thing done.
  • Sometimes I think to myself, "Do I really want to buy another chocolate bar?"  And then I remember that there is a super volcano under Yellowstone that is 40,000 years overdue and when it erupts it could potentially cover most of North America in ash and create a volcanic winter that kills half the worlds' population, and I'm like "eff yeah I want that chocolate bar!"
  • Sorry for playing Pour Some Sugar On Me at your kid's baptism but in my defense it's God's favorite song.







(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)