Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Wednesday, May 28th, 2014:

  • All I want is to settle down with an extremely wealthy dog
  • Nice try "blocked number", but I don't even answer the phone for people I know.
  • If owls are so smart, why don’t they say "Whom"?
  • If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you've ever made
  • I wonder if Superman ever put glasses onLois Lane's dog & she was like, "I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"
  • When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.
  • Tried to pull a push door, ended up committing and ripping it off the hinges to avoid looking like an idiot.
  • I call my penis "the treadmill" because it hasn't been used in years and now clothes just hang on it
  • If you're really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
  • I don't care how rough you think your childhood was. My generation had to witness Littlefoot say goodbye to his dying mother in "Land Before Time".