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Great Moments in Facebook History: May 28, 2014

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Wednesday, May 28th, 2014:

  • All I want is to settle down with an extremely wealthy dog
  • Nice try “blocked number”, but I don’t even answer the phone for people I know.
  • If owls are so smart, why don’t they say “Whom”?
  • If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you’ve ever made
  • I wonder if Superman ever put glasses onLois Lane’s dog & she was like, “I’ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?”
  • When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You’re both now.
  • Tried to pull a push door, ended up committing and ripping it off the hinges to avoid looking like an idiot.
  • I call my penis “the treadmill” because it hasn’t been used in years and now clothes just hang on it
  • If you’re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
  • I don’t care how rough you think your childhood was. My generation had to witness Littlefoot say goodbye to his dying mother in “Land Before Time”.







(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)

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