Great Moments in Facebook History: May 5, 2014

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, May 5th, 2014:

• You shouldn't be allowed to wear animal print if you are bigger than said animal.
• If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
• My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that's what I want to start calling the hall closet.
• What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
• I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I'm like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
• It's kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.
• Is anyone else's alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
• My mother just send me this text: What’s your favorite Panic at the Disco album?  Santa needs to know…
• Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)