Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, May 9th, 2014:

  • Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
  • I'd like to nail you so hard you don't wake up for three days. - rejected Christian Mingle bio
  • Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people's phones.
  • Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it
  • My nickname is "Gillette" because I'm the best a man can get... and I'll cut you.
  • Clearly the people that design refrigerators don't know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
  • Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can't pronounce it.
  • Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)