Great Moments in Facebook History: May 9, 2014

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, May 9th, 2014:

• Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
• I'd like to nail you so hard you don't wake up for three days. - rejected Christian Mingle bio
• Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people's phones.
• Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it
• My nickname is "Gillette" because I'm the best a man can get... and I'll cut you.
• Clearly the people that design refrigerators don't know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
• Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can't pronounce it.
• Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)