Great Moments in Facebook History: November 13, 2015

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I scour the interwebs to find the best (and worst) thoughts floating around social media. Without further ado…

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, November 13th, 2015:

Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn't quite make it in.
Nurse: what happened?... Me: He tried to do a belly flop but he hit the water and didn't sink... Jesus: *nose just bleeding all over the place
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
“This mattress looks nice…” “Feel free to test it out, sir.” *curls up on mattress and cries for 10 minutes* “I’ll take it.”
*I cycle off mt Rushmore and fall to my death, but my bicycle gets stuck on the end of Lincolns nose and makes a perfect pair of reading glasses*