Great Moments in Facebook History: November 5, 2104

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Wednesday, November 5th, 2014:

• For gods sake! You'd think it would be safe not locking a car in a church carpark on a Sunday, apparently NOT. Anyway I got 8 iPhones.
• Don't be too flattered. If I've come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it's because I've forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
• A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
• When you take off your iPhone case and it feels like you’re holding a newborn.
• Nothing is more terrifying than making eye contact with the guy running that mall kiosk.
• Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
• Whenever a bird craps on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to show them what I’m capable of.
• All my life I thought TLC was singing about a guy named Jason Waterfalls

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status)