No, The Next Star Wars Movie Isn’t Filming in Kalamazoo

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Oh the internet hoax machine has taken aim at Kalamazoo. The satirical fake news site KUPR 7 ran a story alleging the next installment of the Star Wars franchise will be filmed around Kalamazoo.  According to an article,

Writer and director Rian Johnson is said to have personally chosen the location and will need the help of a large number of extras from Kalamazoo and the surrounding area.

But on the very off hand chance this isn't a hoax, here's my pitch:

Hey! Rian Johnson! Over here! My name is Stefani Bishop. I host a radio program called The Rocker Morning Show. Just a little bit about me; I enjoy long walks on the beach, milkshakes with two straws, and pajama pants. Did I mention I've been on stage for over 20 years? I just might be the droid you're looking for.

*cough* - theatrical resume - *cough*