Ramone’s Rant – I Hate Snow part 2
I know I’m not the only one frustrated with all the snow out there. There’s so much g*d damn snow, I’m running out of places to put it, and because of the recent temperatures, all the snow has turned to blocks of ice, and every time I try to remove said blocks of snow/ice, I become frustrated and have to restrain myself from lighting it all on fire.
I have a nice sized backyard, which is plenty big for my Great Dane to run around and crap in. But, because there is so much f***ing snow outside, my Dane can’t even venture into the yard, and has been forced to potty on the deck. AND because there’s so much *$&#ing snow, he doesn’t have much run to potty. And because Archie is a 150 pound Great Dane, his poop piles are enormous! To give you a mental image, take a huge crap outside after Thanksgiving dinner. That’s what Archie’s poop piles are like.
Every morning, I have to go outside and try to shovel off the frozen turds from the day before, and as of recently, it wasn’t so bad; he’d pee or poop, walk around it, and come back inside. However, for two days in a row, Archie has stepped right into a fresh, warm, steamy pile of dog sh*t. The other day I caught it, got the offending paws cleaned up, and away he went. Yesterday, was a different story.
Archie goes outside, takes a giant crap, steps in it, and runs into the house faster than I can catch him. So now I’m stuck with a 150 pound dog with fresh crap on his paw running around the house. I finally get him corned, clean up his paws, but guess what I’m left with? You guess it! A house filled with fresh dog sh*t.
Now, you’re probably saying to yourself, “hey, assface, go rent a steam cleaner from the Home Depot and get the carpets taken care.” Well usually I would, but since I’m currently living in a rental house, and I’m in the process of buying a house, it seems like a moot point to steam clean the carpets, since my security deposit from 5 years ago will most likely go towards carpet cleaning.
“So Ramone, if you’re not going to steam clean your carpets, how are you going to get all the dump out of your carpet?” Well, I’ll tell you! I grabbed a bottle of Woolite carpet cleaner, a roll of paper towels, and went to work. Now, none of this would have been a problem IF THERE WASN’T SO MUCH G*D DAMN SNOW OUTSIDE!!!
I’m Ramone, and that’s my rant.