Great Moments in Facebook History

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, January 9th, 2014: If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I'm very skilled at shooting aliens this way. Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult It’s not you ... Read More ...

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Wednesday, January 7th, 2014: Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year. The game “f*ck, marry, kill” could also be called “fork, spoon, knife” *blames it on rush hour* *blames it on rush hour 2* Hispanic magician: "I will disappear on the count of three ... Read More ...

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, January 5th, 2014: Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved In a game of tag Kanye just walks around reminding kids that he's still it ... Read More ...

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, December 19th, 2014: Meanwhile everyone inNorth Koreais like "what is a movie”? Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014 ... Read More ...

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Wednesday, December 17th, 2014: This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times... I don’t think it’s a coincidence that “morning” and “mourning” sound the same… 1 ... Read More ...

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, December 15th, 2014: The older I get, the more I understand someone's desire to just say-"(Eff) it. I'm going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge." Psychopaths and Eskimos are the only groups of people who can comfortably sleep with socks on. ... Read More ...

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Wednesday, December 10th, 2014: Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know Calm down people with car antlers... Calm down. Instagram makes me feel like the world’s only employed person The amount of big words I use incorrectly to try and sound smart is stammering If the voices in my head had a British acce

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, December 8th, 2014: All the Netflix ads show people watching shows in jeans and I'm like that is not an accurate portrayal of how we the people watch Netflix My town is so boring that when I googled things to do a car rental company came up first ... Read More ...

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, December 5th, 2014: I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands Stay with the one who makes you a better version of yourself ... Read More ...

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014: Eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt. Whenever I’m nervous on a business call, I just envision the person on the other end of the phone as a muppet Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty kids now that global warming is threatening his habitat Hey sorry I’m late I didn’t w