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The 10 Commandments Of Beer

As we get ready for Kalamazoo On Tap May 20th at Homer-Stryker Field I think it’s necessary that we establish, what I believe, are the 10 Commandments Of Beer.

Oktobeerfest Kalamazoo, Oct. 18, 2014.
Oktobeerfest Kalamazoo, Oct. 18, 2014.

1. Thou shalt not worship any other beverages besides beer. (This is self explainatory)

2. Thou shalt not covet they neighbor’s beer.  (Never help yourself to a friend’s beer.  And there may be some that are off limits.)

3.  Thou shalt not judge a beer if you haven’t tried it.  (This is what I refer to as the Arrogance of Ignorance.)

4.  Thou shall share rare beer. (I’m not saying share it all with everybody. That would be wrong.  But you must share it with at least one other for confirmation.)

5.  Thou shalt not be a poser on Oberon Day.  (If you’re a fan then enjoy.  But if you’re not don’t jump on the band wagon.  It’s unseemly.)

6.  Thou shalt not drink beer who’s commercial features really attractive people.  (I’m not buying it so I’m not buying it.)

7.  Thou shalt not drink beer with a picture on the label of a monkey F-ing a football.  (Come on!  That’s just trying too hard.)

8.  Thou shalt not drink beer sold in the feminine hygene aisle.  (You’re not supposed to be there if you’re shopping for beer!  So the beer isn’t supposed to be there either!)

9.  Thou shalt not participate in any activity that starts with: “Hey watch this!”  “Here, hold my beer!”  (Nothing good ever happens after that!)

10.  Thou shalt not drink a beer that sounds like a bodily function. (Like Schlitz, Blatz or, worse, Falstaff.)

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