This is What Four-Foot-Ten Looks Like

The 3rd Annual Kalamazoo Craft Beer Festival was a resounding success!  I met some new people and saw some familiar faces. I got to hang out with my St. Julian buddy, Chad (the Chaddest Chad whoever Chadded), and tried some new ciders (thank you One Well).  It was a great day.

I also met these two guys who were nice enough to pose with me for a photo. Why? Because I am 4'10", and I thought this sh*t was funny. I don't think they really understood at the time why I was asking them to pose with me for this shot, but, here you go, this is what 4'10" looks like.

The odd thing about height is that it is the ONLY physical feature that is acceptable to openly ridicule. Strangers have no problem using the top of my head as a table in a bar, or telling me to stand up while I'm standing. Yet, there are social mores that apply to every other physical attribute, aside from height.  Could you imagine how it would sound if people were as blunt with other aspects of physical appearance?

• "So, have you ever, like, wished you were thinner?"
• "Holy crap! Those are the deepest Crow's Feet I've ever seen.  Seriously, I've seen some deep Crow's Feet, but... can I get a picture with you?  My friends aren't going to believe this."
• "So, you're really, really skinny; do you have to have people help you around the house, like all the time?"
• "Do you have to shop in a special store for hats, or do normal stores carry your hat size?"
• "I'm not trying to be weird, but how big is your nose, like inches?"
• "You know you could probably get a handicapped license plate for how big your ears are."
• "I have a cousin who is about as fat as you are. I think.  Hang on, I'm going to text him and see how much he weighs."

Look, I'm not as sensitive on the subject of height as it might come off in this post. Truly. I find I'm more often annoyed than offended at how shocked people seem to be that I've figured out how to navigate your strange Daikini world.

If you take away anything from this post, please let it be this: before you comment to a stranger about their height, realize they hear this all the time, several times a day, and nothing you can say is going to be original. You will be met with an eye-roll.