Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, August 18th, 2014:

  • The girlfriend pisses me off so much, I wanna grow old with her just to watch her die
  • Would you rather be buried alive in a coffin full of bats -OR-listen to all your voicemails?
  • Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It's effing delicious.
  • Eating a bowl of generic frosted flakes… THEY’RRRRRRRRRE ALLLLLLLLLRIGHT, I guess.
  • Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
  • If a 747 can carry a f*cking space shuttle on its back, I’m calling bullsh*t on an overweight baggage charge.
  • Canadais 50% the letter A.
  • Hey girl, are you an angel? Because your hair's in my pasta. I'd like to speak to the manager.