Great Moments in Facebook History: August 18, 2014

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, August 18th, 2014:

• The girlfriend pisses me off so much, I wanna grow old with her just to watch her die
• Would you rather be buried alive in a coffin full of bats -OR-listen to all your voicemails?
• Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It's effing delicious.
• Eating a bowl of generic frosted flakes… THEY’RRRRRRRRRE ALLLLLLLLLRIGHT, I guess.
• Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
• If a 747 can carry a f*cking space shuttle on its back, I’m calling bullsh*t on an overweight baggage charge.
• Canadais 50% the letter A.
• Hey girl, are you an angel? Because your hair's in my pasta. I'd like to speak to the manager.

(Found on Status Stalker, Funny Status, and Failbook)