2018-06-05 4:27pm - Before anyone cracks wise about the time-stamp, remember that I host a morning radio show, so the fact that I eat dinner around 4:30 in the afternoon isn't a "spinster" thing. It's my schedule.

So, yesterday, after running several spinster errands (cat food, craft store, picking up a sweater with a bedazzled "Hang In There" kitty), I was feeling peckish. Since I was on the side of town with a Shmili's*, I thought an order of Shmouthwestern Shmegg Rolls* sounded like a treat. So, I popped in to the restaurant and was led to my two-top by a cheerful, hard working college student, who left with the promise of returning with a water. I took a quick survey of my surroundings:

  • Retired couple adorably sharing a dessert
  • Three coworkers playing hooky enjoying three very large margaritas
  • Server rolling silverware in the corner
  • Couple sitting... on the same side of the booth

My eye twitched.

I glanced at their table top hoping to see more than two menus, indicating they might be waiting for someone, thus the reason for sitting on the same side of a four-top. But no. No menus. No menus means they had already ordered and planned to EAT on the same side of the table. I looked behind me. Maybe there was a TV or something? Maybe they just wanted to watch "the game" together. Yeah! Maybe that's it! Nope. Nothing to see. No Shmili's* artwork. No nostalgic Norman Rockwell. Not even a window. Nothing. Humbug!

WHY???? WHY do couples choose to sit on the same side of the booth if it's just the two of them? Don't you end up elbowing each other? How do you have a conversation if you're looking straight ahead? Are you spies assigned to survey an employee? If so, get some newspapers with eye-holes cut out! How is sitting on the same side of the booth practical for anything that goes with a dining experience? I feel like this is a health code violation and restaurants should be dinged for letting such behavior continue. If I were still a server and Same Siders were sat in my section, I would quit. On the spot. In front of the couple. I think I would lock eyes with them, untie my apron, let it drop to the floor, and walk out.

Too much?

*Names have been changed to protect innocent restaurants

***The label “spinster” is meant to demean women who haven’t married, had children, and settled down by their mid/late-thirties.  I’m taking that word back.  To me the word “spinster” evokes the image of an independent, thoughtful woman who didn’t settle for less than she’s worth and didn’t acquiesce to society’s expectations. Enjoy the The Spinster Chronicles.***

Bonus Videos: Definitely Bishop