Great Moments in Facebook History: February 20, 2017

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I scour the interwebs to find the best (and worst) thoughts floating around social media. Without further ado…

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, February 20th, 2017:

I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there's nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone's yelling, everything's sticky, it's the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere.
Why I hate House Hunters. Amy is a housewife works on her art all day, her husband Abe manages a Taco Bell. Abe: Our budget is $4 million
(Aaron) Sometimes, whenever I eat M&Ms, I like to hold two m&m’s in between my fingers and squeeze as hard as I can until one m&m cracks. I eat the cracked one, and the one that didn’t crack becomes the champion. Then I grab the other m&m, and force it to compete with the champion in this deadly game of m&m gladiators. I do this until I run out of m&m’s, and when there is only one m&m left standing, I send a letter to m&m’s brand with the champion m&m in it with a note attached that reads: “Please use this m&m for breeding purposes.
Gotten excited for nothing thinking she was touching herself under the covers but she was actually just opening a Kit Kat she didn't wanna share.