Kalamazoo Among Michigan’s Cities to Receive D- in Social Distancing – Here’s What Our Teacher Would Say

Kalamazoo is among several counties in Michigan who's once stellar response to social distancing has dropped significantly. Once an A student, just six weeks later, they're staring down a big, fat D-. I think it might be time for Michigan to have a kind of parent/teacher conference about Kalamazoo's performance:

"Thank you for meeting with me on such short notice, Kalamazoo. I don't need to tell you that this is a matter of urgency and that going forward I need us to be on the same page, okay? Okay.

"As you may have already guessed, this is about your performance in Self-Distancing and Stay Home Stay Safe. Now, I won't sugarcoat things... I am quite concerned. Back in March, I thought you were on the right path. You just jumped in and held on and had a we're-all-in-this-together attitude, and I wouldn't expect anything less from a city whose citizens stand by each other through adversity. As I have been with you in past, I was proud. I even gave you an A in both subjects, which does say a lot about your willingness to be part of the team. However, just one month later, I am having a hard time with some of your behavior.

"Recently you've just decided it's recess whenever you want. You'll just get up and walk out without really having a reason to do so. And then when it is time to go outside, you refuse to wear the required padding or wash your hands when you're done with the shared equipment. Unfortunately, this has resulted in dropping your participation grade to a D-. Now, before you get upset, know that there is plenty of time to make up the grade, and understand that I have advised Ms. Whitmer to keep you, Livingston, Oakland, and Ingham separated during class, as they are in the same boat.

"Now, I'm going to leave you with that bin of erasers to clap. You brought this on yourself, Missy."