They’re a 10 but…. Michigan Edition
Chances are, you've seen it going around... "He/She's a 7, but they (insert red flag item here)..."
It's all over Facebook and Twitter. Tik Tok even has a filter for it now so people can react to whatever "the catch" is. What could "bump up" a homely-looking person, or completely "tank" an extremely attractive person? Well, there's a few things I think we could apply this to in Michigan. Here's just a few examples:
They're a 6, but make the best Pasties
There's really just a few places in Michigan (mostly in the U.P.) that can REALLY get these things right. So if you happen to live in the Lower Peninsula and are craving a pasty, someone like this is handy to have around.
+3 points = They're now a 9
...and you should probably get that recipe.
They're an 8, but don't like Vernors
Nope. Not even when they're sick. When they're stomach is upset, they don't reach for God's greatest carbonated gift to Michiganders, they prefer... (sigh)... Sprite. RED FLAG!
-5 points = They're now a 3
You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
They're a 4, but can play the CRAP out of some Euchre
It's a confusing game, and takes a while to really get the hang of. If this person can really hone it in and picks up 3 or more tricks every time.. keep this person close!
+4 points = They're now an 8
Make sure they're invited to any family function!
They're a 7, but order a domestic beer (Budweiser/Coors) at the bar
I, too, had terrible taste in college. Women, friends, beer, food... all of it. BUT, eventually I grew up, refined my flavor a bit, and found out that there's more to offer (especially in Michigan!) than a "Bud" or a "Coors."
-2 points = They're now a 5
Leave and go get an Oberon.
They're an 8, but say "Soda" instead of "Pop"
I don't really think this one is so egregious. LOTS of people come into Michigan every year, and influence the local language. Not to mention, soda doesn't really "pop" anymore, so the onomatopoeia doesn't really work anymore. BUT, I totally get the appeal of a "pure" Michigander.
-1 Point = They're now a 7
But is it REALLY that important?
They're a 5, but have been a life-long Lions fan
I mean, you can't deny that this is dedication. This person will stick with you through thick and thin (and clearly they're OK with a LOT of "thin"). They'll still represent you in public, even at your lowest points.
+6 points = They're now an 11!
MARRY THIS PERSON!
They're a 10... but like Ohio State
Nope. No. No exceptions.
They're a terrorist. Call the FBI.
-20 points = They're now a -10
Tar and Feather them in public!