Here Are Weird Solutions To My Groundhog Problem

So there I was minding my own business, doing some yard work over the weekend and what do I find when I take the tarp off my wood pile behind my shed? Something, I don't know what, has dug a hole under the shed. I made a call to Sturgis where I make all my critter calls and, apparently, it's a groundhog. Do I need to be concerned I ask? Absolutely I'm told. Next question: How do I get rid of it? That's easy they said...shoot it. Well, that's not practical in my neighborhood so on to other answers.

My first thought was to flood the hole with a hose. Then I got a better idea. Fill the hole with quick-drying cement. I haven't decided if either of those will work so in the meantime other solutions came my way. My friend Dale suggested I put a banana at the entrance to the hole because groundhogs love them but can't digest them. Do I want to wait till constipation kills the little varmint? Another friend, Tim, says to simply take a pee in the hole and the rodent will never go in there again. Seems like less of a guarantee but I like the idea of doing it just for the symbolic satisfaction.

Then I did what anyone does in a situation like this. I googled it and here are Google's top 5 ways to get rid of a groundhog:

1. Trap it and release it 5 miles from the spot.

2. Create vibrations in the ground to scare it away.

3. smoke it out of the tunnel.

4. Pour ammonia down the tunnel

5. Garlic & Pepper

I think I'll use the garlic and pepper to season it when I cook it over a spit.