10 Reasons The Plot To Kidnap Governor Whitmer Failed

Six men were arrested earlier today for plotting the kidnapping of Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer. Five of the men were from Michigan, one was from Delaware. The FBI learned of the conspiracy through unidentified militia sources and tracked the men for several months as they planned attacks against the Michigan State Police, the Governors mansion and even spoke about storming the State Capital.

Thanks to the great work done by law enforcement, the plan was foiled but we can't help but wonder if it didn't happen because of some of the reasons stated below. So with that, here are...

The Top 10 Reasons the Plot To Kidnap Gov. Whitmer Failed:

10) The damn roads leading up to the State Capital were impossible to travel on.

9) Because everyone is wearing a mask nowadays, the kidnappers mistakenly grabbed Michael Moore instead.

8) Four of the kidnappers were brainwashed by the Sunshine Carpet Cleaning cult into helping them clean carpets at the Governors mansion.

7) The FBI was onto the kidnapper from Delaware when he didn't use an "S" when saying Meijer.

6) The three kidnappers from Michigan couldn't agree with the three kidnappers from  Michigan State on a best plan.

5) They missed the text from the FBI promising them that they wouldn't act if they took Detroit Lions coach Matt Patricia instead.

4) The getaway car couldn't find a way out of all the damn roundabouts that keep cropping up all over the state.

3) The kidnapping timeline conflicted with their plans to follow Ted Nugent on tour.

2) Because the kidnappers were forced to social distance, kidnap meetings on Zoom were a mess when nobody could hear, see or understand half of what was going on.

1) Fighting ensued among the kidnappers when one of them was caught wearing  a "That Woman From Michigan" sweatshirt.