JT’s Top 5 Least Scary Movies
The interest in horror movies certainly picks up this time of the year but how do you know if the scary movie you've rented is a really good scare or a really bad scare? Can't help you with good scary movies but you will know what to avoid if you read my list of the top 5 least scary movies.
5) Silence Of the Lions: In this take off of Groundhog Day, The Detroit Lions keep blowing leads in the 4th quarter and lose more games than they win, game after game, season after season. This epic horror documentary is so true to life, that many fans have been known to go mad. Watch at your own risk!
4) I Saw What You Tweeted Last Summer: Kevin hart and Blake Shelton star in this classic case of tweets that come back to bite you in the ass. The horror begins when you think comments that could be construed as sexist and racists are funny and then they resurface years later right after you get a really good gig. It's a scary bad time.
3) Friday The 17th: In this sequel to Friday the 13th part 87 - it's 4 days after the last Friday the 13th and Jason's mask just isn't terrifying anyone. As a matter of fact, his potential victims seem to be mocking him by wearing their own masks similar in nature. Rejected and now feeling like just another person walking the earth with a mask on, Jason gives up killing and becomes a greeter at Wal Mart.
2) Nightmare on Sprinkle Street: Technically Sprinkle Rd IS a street, so we'll take some creative liberties here and call it a street instead of a road. Besides, its actually the roundabout near I-94 that's scary to drive on. In this movie drivers are so terrified and confused that some enter the roundabout never to leave. Follow the journey of Kalamazoo Joe as he enters the roundabout and becomes lost in a circular vortex of pure hell!
1) The Mask: Starring Joe Biden. This horror movie is set in Washington D.C. when Joe Biden accidentally dons a red MAGA covid mask, he's transformed into a boasting mad man who calls his fellow democrats silly names on twitter. The horror intensifies when its discovered that only Nancy Pelosi has the power to pull the mask off Joe and stop the madness. But to do so, she must first immediately leave her mask-less hair appointment. Will she make it in time? Will the world be saved from two twitter mad men?
Well there you go - hopefully this helps when it comes time for you to pick out a scary classic this Halloween season. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to run some errands on Spring Road near I-94...wish me luck.
MORE: Take a Look at Kalamazoo's (Reportedly Haunted) State Theatre