After I posted a story about how creeped out I am by snapping turtles, I was bombarded with photos of the horrible, prehistoric beasties. I wasn't safe from their gaping jaws on Facebook or through text...

So, at the risk of being sent a slew of other horrible pictures (please don't - please don't - please don't), I would like to introduce to you a woman named Samantha Mawdsley. Samantha lives in the UK, and rather than being a horrible internet troll who gives restaurants bad reviews because she "had to ask for a napkin twice", she decided, after a wonderful experience at a local hot spot, to post a positive review; "...amazing food and the staff is so friendly! Definitely recommend!"

That earned her an unsolicited d*ck pic from an American man who was just trying to be "nice". How she responded has the internet in a perpetual slow clap. Warning: Language NSFW but HILARIOUSLY censored.

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I can't top laughing at "You have a nice watch."

Seriously, though, guys... stop sending pictures of your penis to women. It's not sexy. It's not a form of flirting. It's certainly not a way to "break the ice." No one wants to see your schwantz.