Well, hi there, Michigan! I'm sorry it took me so long to respond to some fan mail that I received from you guys back in February. Such nice things you said about times we used to have together, wishing we could be reunited. Some of you even mentioned being diagnosed with a form of depression when I'm not in your life. Weird thing to feel flattered about, but thanks! February was a busy time for me. I was a bit distracted keeping an eye on our friends Down Under (poor little koalas). But consider this making up for lost time... I'm not going ANYWHERE for the next few weeks. Aren't you excited? It's just you and me! Oh, we're going to have SO much fun!

Wait, what's that? Too hot? What do you mean? It's only, like, 90ish degrees. That's nothing. I exists at 10,000 degrees all day every day, so...

I'm sorry, I'm really not understanding this. You wished me here for months, and now I'm "too much"? Look, the world doesn't revolve around you, you know. The world literally revolves around ME! I really can't believe you're saying this! I had so many fun things planned for us! Running through the sprinkler, watching the kids splash in the kiddie pool, seeing you do that thing where you put your skirt over the air register like a Midwest Marilyn Monroe...

How can you beg me to visit and then suddenly change your mind? Fine! We don't have to hang out, but I'm not going anywhere! My return ticket isn't until October! You know what? I can't wait to make your steering wheel untouchable, or watch you burn yourself on pocket change like Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark. I am going to point and laugh every time your glasses fog up, and keep count of how many shirts you go through in a single day. Hell hath no fury like a star Scorched...