Nobody Wants My Home Schooling Service

So many decisions to make as a parent when it comes to your child's education this year.  The protocol for every school is so vastly different. Some schools are back in session as if the virus didn't exist, while other schools are doing virtual classrooms only.  I'm here to let you know there is a third option: "JT's Get Your Kid Schooled The Right Way Home Schooling Service".  I know, It's a long name for a business but its not like I'm going to have business cards made.

Now at "JT's Get Your Kid Schooled The Right Way Home Schooling Service your kid won't learn much math, science or literature. As a matter-of-fact, I'm pretty sure they won't learn any of that stuff as I'm not really qualified to teach it.  What I am qualified to teach is living at home using common sense.  Here's an outline of my curriculum:

First Hour:

Kids are taught to respect the contents of a refrigerator.  Lets face it, there is nothing worse than opening the fridge with a empty 12 oz glass in your hand and sadly attempt to pour the measly two tablespoons of liquid your kid left in the bottom of the milk carton. <insert your own angry emoji here> This is cause for immediate suspension, especially if you're super thirsty and parched.

Second Hour:

Discover which of your kids is named "I Don't Know".  Ever come across something broke in the house and when you ask the members of your household who broke said item, its always blamed on that poor sap named "I Don't Know" (not be confused with its cousin "Not Me") Oddly enough, all of these years and I've never come across a birth certificate for a kid name "I Don't Know".  Rest-assured though, we're going to find this kid and dish out some well deserved punishments.

Third Hour:

Your child will learn to pick up after themselves.  I have a patent pending on a product called "Pick Up Your Crap or It Goes To The Garbage" Think Roomba but only with a shovel and a garbage bag attached.  Sadly, I have yet to figure out why so many kids drop this class.  Oh well, eventually they'll have to take it because you can't graduate without a credit from this class <insert your own smiling emoji here>

Fourth Hour:

Well, unfortunately there really isn't a fourth hour scheduled yet. This is due to the fact that no kid has ever made it past 3rd hour without dropping out of my school.

I do want to be as transparent a possible, so I really can't use the "Hurry, classes are filling fast" sales pitch but what I can do is guarantee you that your child IF he or she finishes the full curriculum, will make your life a lot easier.  Now isn't that worth the $100,000 a year you would spend to have your child attend my school? I know its costly but so are product patents - especially one that teaches hard core lessons to kids.