Great Moments in Facebook History: June 1, 2015

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I scour the interwebs to find the best (and worst) thoughts floating around social media. Without further ado…

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Monday, June 1, 2015:

If you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, what excuse would you use to bail at the last minute?
Apparently somebody in Detroit gets stabbed every 52 seconds…sucks to be that guy.
If you text me first, you make my day. If I text you first, I feel like I’m annoying you.
Sorry, I can’t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
I wonder what people who type “u” instead of “you” do with all their free time.
If you mix Taco Bell hot sauce into your ramen, it tastes exactly like poverty.
That Awkward Moment when your girlfriend texts you “Am I fat?” and your phone autocorrects your “Noooooo” response to “Moooooo”