Great Moments in Facebook History: September 9, 2016

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I scour the interwebs to find the best (and worst) thoughts floating around social media. Without further ado…

Here are the BEST Great Moments in Facebook History for today, Friday, September 9th, 2016:

I'm so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
Sometimes hearing about what you did when you were drunk can be fun. It’s like a story you’ve never heard before and you’re the main character.
The entire purpose of a bayonet is to bring a knife to a gun fight.
I'll probably be sick of these orange sherbet pushups by the time I finish the 22 pushup challenge but, I am determined to finish it anyway.
Judge: And how does the defendant plead?...... Me: *lips right on mic* 1 dollar, Bob.