When Bees Attack Your Butt

According to United States Department of Agriculture our state ranks #4 in the U.S. among states with the highest growth of bee colonies within just the last year, with a 50% increase.  Well, you don't have to tell me that. I found out the hard way.

Circa 2011. The skies were angry that day my friend.  A huge thunderstorm was arriving out of the east and we were just finishing up a station event at a concert venue. I needed to pull down some station banners off a gate made of pipe located at the front of the venue rather quickly.  I arrived at the gate, hopped out of my car and and started ripping down the banners as fast I could, unaware that I was disturbing a huge nest of pissed off bees located within one of the pipes in the gate.

I remember bending over to rip a corner of the station banner from the bottom when I felt the first sting enter my derriere. What was probably only 6-7 more stings suddenly felt like a thousand, as the bees began to swarm my poorly protected man buns.  I immediately did the only thing a guy could do when his buttocks was being ravaged by a swarm of angry bees. Haul ass as fast as I could go to get away and at the same time scream embarrassingly like a seven year old girl out of fear that I was about to become dinner for the hive.

By the time I reached a save distance and could inspect the damage safely, my shock turned to horror as I gazed upon the most frightening sight.  My delicately shaped man booty now looked like it had grown a mountain and a couple of hills on it.  It appeared like I had butt injections on steroids. The kind you would get from an unqualified doctor you'd find off of Craigslist.  Even one of those Kardashian chicks would've been horrified at my deformity.

I suppose I should count my lucky stars and realize it could've been worse. I mean, it sucked that I couldn't sit down for a week but then again, they could've attacked the front area...ugh....never mind, just the thought of that makes me shudder.