Valentine’s Day Gift Giving Advice

Contrary to what advertisers want you to believe, not every woman is the same.  I know, I know, I’m blowing your mind right now.  Every year, I roll my eyes at Valentine’s day commercials, lumping women into one of three gift-giving categories: jewelry, flowers, or chocolate dipped things.  Bonus category in recent years?  A giant Vermont Teddy Bear.  Here’s the inner-monologue for women receiving these gifts when they are CLEARLY not the type to receive them:

• Jewelry:  “I’m no fashionista, but for some reason, I feel those diamond studs and tear-drop necklace clash with my hoodie and Chuck Taylors.  That little box is going in to be lost in the back of a drawer for a few years.”
• Flowers:  “How the hell am I going to get a vase full of water home without incident?  Ugh.  I’m going to be finding petals and pollen and rogue leaves in my car for weeks…”.
• Chocolate:  “I’ll eat theTrinidads, but the rest of this is going in the break room.  You’re welcome, Barb in Accounting.”
• Teddy Bear:  “What.  The.  F*ck.  Am I a 5-year-old?”

I know I sound jaded (because I am), but take the time to learn what your significant other actually likes.  She might actually be a jewelry/flowers/chocolate person, but, then again, she might be a Netflix pants/Mini-golf/Chinese Take-Out fan.  Knowing your audience is key to a successful, and stress-free Valentine’s Day.  You’re welcome.