The 5 Cringiest People You’ll Run Into In Kalamazoo
I've encountered some hilariously ridiculous people in my time, and just about everywhere you go in this country you're bound to run into people who are cringy. But THESE are the cringy people you're most likely to bump into around Kalamazoo.
The “It’s SolSon Not Oberon” Guy
Look out for this guy especially when it’s almost Oberon Day. He’ll make sure he’s the first to remind you it used to be called SolSon by commenting “Happy SolSon Day” on everyone’s Facebook posts and saying it all event long, refusing to use the "O" word.
He will most likely remind you soon after that Kalamazoo was once called Bronson and that the United States was once part of a supercontinent called Pangea. He is truly a wizard of knowledge and originality.
Look we get it, it was another name before, but she's 23 and will not sleep with you even though she's on her 7th different flavored Obero-...sorry, SolSon.
The “F*ck You Learn How To F*cking Drive You *ssole” Guy
Uh oh, you didn’t let the guy who was in the right turn only lane into your lane AFTER going through the intersection of Drake & KL Ave, and instead of him forcing to delay his commute by a minute because of his error, he’s gonna lay on the horn for 30 seconds and flip you off and ride your ass for 3 minutes. Now he’s gonna be late to the beer exchange and his favorite Pilsner is gonna cost him an extra 10 cents. You really need to learn how to drive.
The “I Know More About Your Job Than You” Guy
Trust me, guys do this all the time - especially if you work in radio. But you’ll catch this Gigachad in comment sections and text alerts letting you know nobody cares about the thing you’re talking about. So much so that they’ll comment on every platform possible. “Literally nobody cares about that.” 50,000 views later, clearly you’re the Nostradamus of our age.
The “Shame On You For Not Being My Age” Guy
Oh, so you think just because you discovered what Boogie Records and Club Soda were recently you’re my EQUAL? HELL NO. I was raised in those places and I was even a regular at McGonigle’s Saloon. Bet you don’t remember that do ya kid? You middle schoolers are weak.
The “Shame On You For Not Predicting My Needs” Guy
A man in his 60s walks into a pizza place and proceeds to make the poor lady behind the register feel guilty about having nothing but a cheese pizza hot and ready during prime dinner hours with a rail full of tickets. If only there were Apps for the phones we have that would allow you to pre-pay and pre-order, then put said order in a warming portal for our convenience. These restaurants need to get with the times.
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